we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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