I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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