More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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