A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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