So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize