On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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