I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
