Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
