She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
