My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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