Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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