She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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