he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
