why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
