He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
