I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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