Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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