i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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