Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
