You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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