no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
