Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
