no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
