Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
