3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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