mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
