someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
