Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
