i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
