Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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