I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
