you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
