We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
