"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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