Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
