Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
