so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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