So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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