im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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