If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
