Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
