You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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