the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
