Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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