The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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