Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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