like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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