dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
