i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
