I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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