Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
