I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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