Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
