Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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