There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
