Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
