i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
what day is it and did you see me today?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
