In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
