...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
