I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
