you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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