you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize