my sisters under your porch take her home
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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