Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
