I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize