I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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