Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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