I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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