Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Houston, we have a blender
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
