Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
