i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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