I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
