She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
