I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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