Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
