He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
