Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
