I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
