I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
