He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
