It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
