yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
