AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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