Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
