We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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