Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
