I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
